Ink

I have talked about getting a tattoo on my foot for a while now. I have seen some tattoos that are very well done and I have seen some that are not so good. There doesn't seem to be a happy middle when it comes to tattoos. You either love them or hate them. My sister in law Valerie, wears tattoos well. She maintains her very stylish and feminine side while sporting some great ink.

I wanted a tattoo that was Uniquely me. I love my American Indian heritage. My great grandfather was 100% Cherokee Indian and I love looking at tribal designs. That language fascinates me. I also love The Word of God. It is food to my soul. I know that without the love and grace of Jesus I would be nothing at all.

If you read my blog, then you know that in my life I am at the starting line of an amazing shift, a journey, an adventure. I am excited and eager about what lay ahead for my family. With that, now seemed like the perfect time to either get the tattoo or just totally forget it.

There is a true artist who lives among us here in Mannheim. Joy is brilliant. I knew that I wanted her to create the art on my foot. After-all, it is permanent!

So here it is... My Art, My Ink!



Let me tell you about it.

It is a tribal eagle. It's body is made with the words "Isaiah 40:31". It says, "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." This is one of my favorite verses in the bible but it also symbolizes the fact that we as one faith are the body of Christ.

It has seven wings. Throughout the scriptures, seven is known as the number for perfection/completion. The Word of God is prefect... without error... and we are made complete in Christ.

Inside the wings there are eleven blocks. Eleven is known for the number of judgment. It has a two fold meaning to me. I believe that one day we will all stand before God in judgment and I believe that it is God alone who can judge.. not ME! So I pray for those who do not trust Christ as Savior, but I dare not judge them. My job is to show them the LOVE of Christ without preaching or casting judgment on them.

The heart of the eagle is made of three circles symbolizing the Holy Trinity.

The head of the eagle is designed with the mouth open. Psalm 19:14 say, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

The eagle has two eyes. Two is the number for unity. It also symbolizes that as Christians we should see people not only in the natural, but also in the spirit. We should see them and love them as Jesus would.

The eagle has three talons. The talon is the eagles weapon of offense and defense. We too have three weapons. They are The Word of God, The blood of The Lamb, and the word of our Testimony. Revelation 12:11 says, "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

Finally the eagle is facing away from me. Symbolizing that I am to follow God's plan instead of trying to get him to follow mine. Also the words Isaiah 40:31 are written backwards and thus can only be read plainly when facing a mirror. The words are for me alone as a reminder to not grow weary in the waiting, to hope with great anticipation, to run without fear, to FLY!

Ready To Climb

Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way.” ~ Dr. Seuss

I wanted to let you all know that Wesley's MEB is over. We fought it as far as we could. Wes got his release orders from the army today.

We officially start clearing from the Army on Monday.

Wes and I both have peace that God is in control. We have prayed, sat in silence, and waited.

I once heard christian author Beth Moore say, "When you speak to a mountain and it does not move, then just climb it... either way put it under your feet in Jesus name." In the natural and in the spirit that is exactly what we are going to do.

Once we arrive in Alabama, we will stay there for about two weeks visiting and catching up with everyone. Then we will head out to climb our Mountain.

We have decided to make Colorado Springs, Colorado our new home. There is great potential there for Wes and our family as a whole to grow and excel beyond our dreams. We do not know the details of what is to come.. we are just walking by faith.

Please keep us in your prayers for favor as we both seek jobs, housing, and schools in that area.

Where to go?

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!


BUT Where O Where do we go???
My love will be flying into Germany today.. Now the big adventure begins, starting with where do we go?

It is well

It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you have been through! AMEN.....

Is now the time?

My love and I have a heart to adopt one or more special needs children. We have prayed about it for over three years. Is now the time?

Read my blog.. you will know that at the current moment, our life is full of uncertainness. But as we have said a million times over.. we are willing. Willing to go, to follow, to obey.

Last night my love had a dream that he was sent to Haiti. He believes that now is the time to begin the process of seeking a child to adopt. Could it be?

I have searched every website that I know about adoption. At the present moment Haiti is in complete chaos. Who knows when the government will be in order to proceed with adoption. But I believe that nothing happens by chance. I believe that God speaks to us in the small still voice.

So we pray... we seek.. we pray.

Stay tuned.. I do believe we are about to begin the journey of our lives.

GLORY!!!!

Today is THE DAY.

My love made it safely to Maryland on Monday. He was excited to see his cousin there waiting on him at the airport. How amazing is that!!! His cousin Rosa (precious & brilliant) works at the pentagon and travels everywhere. We have not seen her in about 5 years. It was a pleasant surprise to find out that she would be in Maryland during Wesley's stay there.

Today is THE day.. the day that we get the FINAL word about what is to be of this present life that we are living in the US ARMY. There are too many scenarios to list and my heart can not go there right now. I do not know what the next 12 hours will reveal, but I do know THE ONE who does. So I am going to carry on as business usual today. No praying, No fasting, No wailing, No crying on the floor... Just simply knowing-trusting that IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.

Just Wait

Today was a beautiful day for many reasons. One the ground is still covered in a beautiful blanket of snow, and two I spent the majority of the day talking, sharing, and enjoying the presence of dear friends. It is not surprising that time slipped away from us. When we thought to check the time it was already five minutes past time for my son to be released from school.

In our small German community most everyone walks to and from school. This is our daily routine as well. Every afternoon, I wait on my son to come bouncing out of the school by the same white fence as all the other moms.

Today, I was not there.

When I arrived at the school, everyone was gone. My little guy was no where in sight. I walked calmly into the school expecting to see him. He was not there. I asked the front office if he had come back inside, they had not seen him. As I was walking back outside to the school yard, I spotted my son coming around the corner of the white fence. He seemed ok, but when he spotted me he ran to me. He pressed his face into my jacket and began to cry. He was frightened because without warning I had broken our routine. Instead of waiting in our spot, he ventured on his own. He soon became scared then he turned back and headed to the place where we meet daily. When he saw me, the emotions overwhelmed him. I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him for a while and believe me I would have, but the kiddo is almost a big as me.

The whole ordeal has made me ponder.

How often do we do the same thing?

As a daughter of Christ, I know just where to find Him. When I need to be in His presence, I know exactly where to go. But many times.. I run into a trial or circumstance without warning and I do not see Him. Instead of waiting on Him in the place where I know that He will be, I venture out on my own. I think that I know the right path to follow and just like my little man, I soon become fearful and have to run back to the place that I should have just stayed and waited all along.

Psalm 27:14 (New American Standard Bible)
Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.



Waiting is never easy, but it can be joyful. We must take courage and know that our abba father will not leave us forsaken.

Isaiah 49:16
I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. Your walls are always in my presence.

Even if we can not see him. He is there. He is by that white fence. Trust Him. Even if you have walked your own path for a very long time. He is only one breath away. Call upon his name.. The Name of Jesus. He will come running to you, just stand still and WAIT!

Fear or Love

In the last few months I have endured some harsh criticism. Certainly some was probably in order, for we each grow not only by wisdom but also by the refining.. the sharpening from friends. However, there is a big difference between loving correction and judgment. Judgement is ugly. It is dividing. It usually brings death. There is no love expressed in judgment.

So what do we do when we are faced with this?

I have found myself becoming so angry, nearly revengeful. It is easy to justify oneself in the midst of an attack (deserved or undeserved). But that does not make it ok.

I received an email from a dear friend today. This is the verse of encouragement that she shared with me:
I John 4: 17-19 tells us this, “In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like HIM. There is NO FEAR IN LOVE, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”

In chewing on these words, I realized that my emotions are being fueled by fear. Fear of disappointing others, fear of rejection, fear of failure. The truth is that fear and love can not occupy the same space. We must.. I must choose one or the other. I would like to profess that from this moment forward that I will always choose love. The truth is that is easier spoken than actually lived. So what I will speak is that TODAY.. I don't know about tomorrow.. but TODAY I will choose LOVE. To love those who love me and those who spitefully accuse me because in doing so fear will have to flee.

Set to Music

No one should ever compare one trail to another. For each trial, each tragedy is unique of its own. The pain, the struggle, the healing come in different measures. But isn't this exactly what we do? I have met countless people who wallow in misery. I too have found myself on the 'poor is me' floor. I am realizing that misery is a choice. Yes, tragedy strikes and it is awful. But how we react is all on us.

I have been hit by some harsh critics in the past few months. For a sugar coated southern girl, this is hard to deal with. But I am learning how to heal, how to let go, how to stand firm in the face of adversity, and most of all how to get over the addiction of approval and the need to please everybody.

The truth is, I have ONE that I must answer to. Let me set my sights on HIM. Let me treasure HIS word in my heart. Let me be rejuvenated.. Let me SING!

Psalm 119:49-56 (The Message)
Remember what you said to me, your servant—
I hang on to these words for dear life!
These words hold me up in bad times;
yes, your promises rejuvenate me.
The insolent ridicule me without mercy,
but I don't budge from your revelation.
I watch for your ancient landmark words,
and know I'm on the right track.
But when I see the wicked ignore your directions,
I'm beside myself with anger.
I set your instructions to music
and sing them as I walk this pilgrim way.
I meditate on your name all night, God,
treasuring your revelation, O God.
Still, I walk through a rain of derision
because I live by your Word and counsel.

The More I See, The Less I Know

I am sure at some point in my life I believed that I had everything figured out... Every t crossed, every i dotted. But truly the more I see in life the less I know.

Living one day at a time is very difficult for me. I like to live by check list. I know list.. I do them well.

Aside from the common catch phrases.. how does one live day to day and still move forward?

There are many undone things on my 'wish list'. I seem to be a great starter, not so good at finishing. This little characteristic has cost me dearly. Including friendships. So if change starts by admitting that there is a problem... there... I confess!

Lord, help me today to keep the promises that I make. To do each day the things big and small to move forward and to accomplish my goals.

In the words of Mary Englebriet... LIFE IS JUST A CHAIR OF BOWLIES! I think my bowl is cracked!

Well, That explains it!

I went to the doctor. He x-rayed my head.
He stared for a moment and here's what he said.
"It looks like you've got a banana in there,
an apple, an orange, a peach, and a pear.
I also see something that looks like a shoe,
a plate of spaghetti, some fake doggy doo,
an airplane, an arrow, a barrel, a chair,
a salmon, a camera, some old underwear,
a penny, a pickle, a pencil, a pen,
a hairy canary, a hammer, a hen,
a whistle, a thistle, a missile, a duck,
an icicle, bicycle, tricycle, truck.
With all of the junk that you have in your head
it's kind of amazing you got out of bed.
The good news, at least, is you shouldn't feel pain.
From what I can see here you don't have a brain."
--Kenn Nesbitt

This is where this year begins.. really begins.

I've had the amazing privilege of homeschooling my kids for the past 12 weeks. Though it has been difficult at times, the joy far outweighed the hardship. I knew that homeschooling was not a permeant journey, as we intended to transition the kids back into public school once we were back stateside. We thought that we were down for the count with the army, but through prayer and preserving we are beginning to see the light at the end of this journey. We have a renewed hope that we will be able to continue in this army life. Wes will be in MD by the end of the month being evaluated by Walter Reed Army Medical Center. We are believing that they will find Wes fit for duty and that this MEB process will stop. So it is with a step of faith that we are placing the children back into the school system. This is what both of our babies want. It does sadden me and in a thousand ways I feel like a failure. It is evident that I have a million things flooding my mind, but according to Nesbitt the good news is I should not feel any pain~ I never had a brain.

Simple Abundance

Nearly three years ago my friend Carson Allen gave me a devotional book. Simple Abundance written by Sarah Ban Breathnanch. I have read it everyday for a little over a week now. It is filled with so much inspiration. I can't believe it has laid tucked away in my books for so long. Yet the writings in it are so timely for the place of my life where I currently am.

Discovering my authentic-self. Not the woman people expect me to be.. but the woman that I was created to be. The woman who faces her fears, lives with passion, loves without pretense, stands up for the weak, and does not sit at the back of the bus.

That is me.

This book is filled with a million quotable lines. One that my soul is mediating on right now is from 31 December,
".. the authentic self is the soul made visible."

Practice Makes Perfect

"In theory, that sounds so easy. A pat spiritual answer -- just focus on God's truth, found in His word, and our fears will just melt away. So why do I worry and fret? Why is it so hard to trust God during times of uncertainty? Personal experience has shown me a few uncomfortable realities about myself. I have a short memory for truth when the trials of life pile in on me. I suspect you are the same way. So what, then, is the answer? What will help us remember and apply truth to life when we need it? What will help us conquer our fears?

Practice." ~Ruth Graham

People say that practice makes perfect. If this holds true then I am not so sure that I want the "perfect" status to apply to every area of my life. There are many things that I walked through in 2009 that I do not want to "practice" again.

My prayer is that I have the ability to remember those lessons learned and press on in hope that today will be better. One day at a time is exactly how I want this year to come.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, Friends and Family!

What a ride 2009 was. The twist and turns still leave me dizzy. I learned so much about myself.. good, bad, and ugly. Looking back on it all, I am thankful for the knowledge that I gained even though it was painful. However I am more than ready to leave 2009 in the past.

Time to press on.

I am hopeful for what 2010 holds for myself and my family.

Maybe just maybe.. I will be able to record it a little better.

What do I know??

I have sought your face. I have counted the cost. I have rushed to conclusions. I have made mistakes. I have felt the loss. Now I am still; but what do I know of HOLY???

I love this song. It has touched me deeply.

Just an old cat!

When I Am An Old Cat


When I am an old cat
I shall wear a diamond collar
and leave footprints on white couches;
I shall drink my cream with a touch of brandy
and spit out my vitamins;
I shall sit on the laps of dog people just to irritate them;
I shall nap on top of the neighbor's petunias
and perch on the top of birdbaths
and grow charmingly chubby.

But for now I must tolerate the dog
and use my litter box
and not sharpen my claws on the sofa,
so no one can doubt the truth
that cats are superior to dogs.

But every once in awhile I wonder
if I should be naughty now and then
and nip a few toes,
so my humans won't be too shocked
when suddenly I become an old cat
and start to wear a diamond collar.


--author unknown


This is by far one of my favorite poems ever!

Spitting Fire

The last few days something has taken hold of me. I am so darn angry. I don't really know why. Of course I can spout off circumstances that are looming and are totally out of my control. But it goes deeper than that. I am trying desperately to hold my tongue; to not say things or make decisions that I will regret. The truth is my life is beautiful. I am so blessed. My love is home. My children are precious. I have every material thing I could hope for. I live in the place of my dreams. I have seen more beauty than my mind can comprehend. I have amazing friends who would drop everything and come running if I needed them. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I just wanna scream today. But I know that, "Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them." ~Lemony Snicket

O, Lord help me to have joy. Let joy be the breath on my lips, the bounce in my step, the strength of my bones. Take this anger from me. Make my path clear.. take control of the uncontrollable.

Is it the red hair?

Funny Story:

My little red headed 8 year old (whose birthday is not until Nov) decided that he wanted to have his birthday party at WalMart (not that there is one in Germany anyway). Nevertheless, He said that way we could pick out all his decorations and eat whatever he wants. Also if anyone came without a gift they could just buy one really quick. Then after the party if he did not like his gifts, he could just return them. Humm? It must be the red hair!

What a week!

What a busy week it has been. Wes had his surgery on Monday. Everything went wonderful. The surgery itself was quite long. We arrived at 1300 and did not get back home until 1900. Wes slept most of the day. His physical therapy started on Wednesday. We are so thankful that he is being allowed to have all his treatments off post. It is very encouraging. We expect a full healing in his knee. He is looking forward to being able to run and play with our kids and join us on our family bike rides. He will have physical therapy until 14 July. He will also begin a cartilage replacement therapy next week. That will last for 5 weeks. In the meantime, his exercises at home include skateboarding.. yes skateboarding! Here is my skater dude in action:




We are on hold still as far as his deployment status which also puts the children and I on hold for moving back to the states. We are hoping to have some answers by the end of the month.

The waiting, wondering, and creating possible scenarios in our mind has been exhausting. I am such a checks and balances girl. I want to know all the details ahead of time and make my list to be checked off. I am slowly learning that it impossible to do in the army. It will leave you confused and simply frustrated. I am trying my best to surrender it all.

I happened across this verse yesterday; it has given me a new hope. It is Psalm 139:16 (NLT) "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day passed."

How wonderful is that. I do not know what my future holds. But I do believe that weather tragedy or triumph awaits me, that God has written it. He will not leave me forsaken. I am trying to rest in that and enjoy each day that I am given. I do not want any regrets. I want to live and experience this wonderful place that we have been brought to. I know one day we will call the states home again, but until then I pray that I make the most of my time in Germany.

On another note, our little Hermann came full circle.





This was Hermann on day five. He had fully risen and produced two little babies to begin new Hermann's.












This is Hermann ready to go into the oven.
















Now this is Hermann ready to be enjoyed. We made him into four flavors. One was plain and we put chocolate icing on him. One was brown sugar and raisin. One was cinnamon crunch and the last one was banana nut. They were all delectable.

Farwell D-Wing

What a joy it has been for the to work with the teachers on D-wing this year. Each of these ladies are precious. I learned so much from them. It is hard saying goodbye. But we are full force into PSC season. Several of the teachers are moving to various parts of the world. Though we will be separated by miles and oceans, I hope that we can stay in touch. Who knows when the army will bring us together again.




On another note, we are day 4 into raising our little Hermann. He is growing quickly. Just a few more days and he will have babies and then we can bake him and eat him.