Invisible

Have you ever felt purely invisible? It is not an easy feeling. While I often pride myself on being strong and getting things done, sometimes I just need to break and fall apart a little. That is where I am. Almost 60 days into this deployment I am reaching my breaking point. I have tried desperately to find joy in this journey, but the truth is I am struggling. I feel like my heart is hardening and becoming cold and bitter. There are many situations and circumstances that I can blame/justify the emotions that are plaguing my heart, but those things are not the root of this. I am doing my best to surrender to the process, be honest with myself, and allow God to mold my heart into something beautiful. This is not easy; it is not fun.